AKA: The Human Equivalent of a Software Glitch
Let’s talk about that special brand of person who moves through the world like a Sims character with the “common sense” expansion pack uninstalled.
You know the type.
- Talks on speakerphone in a silent café.
- Treats the grocery store like their personal runway.
- Lets their kid use the restaurant floor as a jungle gym.
And somehow, they don’t feel shame. Not an ounce. Not even a blip on the radar.
So let’s drag them (lovingly!) and scream into the digital void together.
Here are 15 moments where people have absolutely zero social awareness in public – and honestly, it’s impressive how bold they are.
1. Taking a Zoom Call in the Middle of Starbucks
Yes, Brenda, we can hear your Q2 marketing strategy.
No, Brenda, we did not ask.
You brought a ring light. You set up a tripod. You are treating this like your home office, and the rest of us are just trying to drink overpriced coffee without hearing about SEO.
2. Playing TikToks Out Loud in a Waiting Room
There’s a special place in hell for people who forget earbuds exist.
We’re all already in a fragile mental state while waiting to be poked, prodded, or judged by a receptionist. We don’t need to hear you scroll through 45 seconds of someone whispering “story time” over trap music.
3. Grocery Cart Blockers Who Think They’re Alone in the Aisle
Why do you need to leave your cart diagonally across the middle like it’s a crime scene?
It’s called a two-way traffic system, Karen. This isn’t a roundabout. I just want my almond milk without plotting a tactical maneuver.
4. Oversharers on Public Transit
“Yeah, so then the rash came back…”
STOP. TALKING.
Your phone call is not a confessional booth. We don’t need your full medical history or the update on your toxic ex. Whisper. Text. Or better yet – wait.
5. Walking Three Abreast on a Narrow Sidewalk
Oh wow, it’s giving The Plastics energy.
Except instead of high school, it’s real life, and some of us are trying to walk faster than your emotionally bonded friend trio.
Please move. This is not the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
6. Letting Your Child Watch an iPad on Full Volume
Look. We’re not anti-parent.
But if Cocomelon starts blaring from across the restaurant while your child double-fists chicken nuggets, we’re judging.
There is no excuse to not know what volume buttons do.
7. Standing Too Close in Line
Personal space isn’t a suggestion – it’s a right.
Why are you so close? Are we in a conga line? Are you trying to smell my shampoo? Back. It. Up.
8. Bringing Your Entire Phone Conversation to the Gym
Yes, tell us more about Brad’s emotional unavailability while you’re hogging the squat rack.
You haven’t lifted a single weight but you’ve unpacked your entire childhood trauma.
9. Oversized Backpacks That Hit Innocent Bystanders
You know who you are.
You turn too fast, and boom – someone’s coffee, face, or soul gets obliterated by your 75-pound tactical gear. What’s even in there? A microwave?
10. Taking Flash Photos in a Dark Theater
If the film isn’t about you, why are you trying to become the main character?
Flash photography mid-movie should be a fineable offense. And no, your grainy selfie with the popcorn bucket isn’t worth it.
11. Holding Loud Breakup Fights in Public
We are all rooting for neither of you.
Your relationship drama doesn’t belong on the sidewalk outside Panera. Go home. Text each other long paragraphs like the rest of us. Don’t turn the sidewalk into your audition for Love Island.
12. Asking Strangers Personal Questions in Checkout Lines
“Are those all for you?”
“What are you cooking tonight?”
“You eat gluten?”
No. Stop. Please let me buy my frozen waffles in peace.
13. Blasting Music on a Bluetooth Speaker in a Park
This isn’t Coachella, and you’re not a DJ.
Enjoy your tunes. Live your truth. Just do it with headphones like a civilized adult.
14. Manspreading in Waiting Areas
Sir.
You do not need three seats.
Your ego is taking up more room than your actual limbs.
Reclaim your thighs. Respect the bench.
15. Holding the Line Up to Count Coins or Coupons
God bless the coupon queens – but maybe count your 47 dimes before you get to the register?
The rest of us have places to be. Or at least snacks to eat.
So… Why Are People Like This?
It’s easy to roll your eyes, but here’s the truth bomb:
Most people who lack social awareness? Don’t know it.
They think they’re “just doing their thing.”
They think everyone else is overreacting.
They don’t realize they’ve turned into a walking public service announcement for “how not to act.”
Here’s How to Not Be That Person:
If you’re worried you’ve been that guy or that girl (and haven’t we all?), here’s your cheat sheet for basic public decency:
- Check your volume. If others can hear your video, voice memo, or argument? Too loud.
- Watch your space. Don’t block, crowd, or sprawl like the world is your living room.
- Know the vibe. Different places = different social rules. Read the room. (Or sidewalk. Or subway.)
- Put yourself in someone else’s AirPods. If it would annoy you, it’ll annoy others.
It’s really that simple.
Ready to Rage in the Comments?
Which one of these social faux pas drives you absolutely unhinged?
Got a horror story to share?
Witnessed a public moment so awkward it lives in your brain rent-free?
Drop your stories. Vent your rage. Name the behavior (not the person… unless they deserve it).
Let’s clean up the streets, one petty judgment at a time.