You judged a grown adult for using baby talk. You internally screamed at someone clapping when the plane landed. Congrats—you’re human.
There are two types of people in this world:
- People who get irrationally annoyed by the smallest things.
- Liars.
Let’s be clear: having petty thoughts doesn’t make you a terrible person. It makes you someone who’s alive, observant, and – let’s be honest – a little overstimulated.
And sometimes the only way to maintain your sanity is to silently rage when someone uses the word “hubby” in a sentence like it’s normal.
So here’s your safe space. A petty little playground where judgment is encouraged, side-eyes are welcome, and your internal monologue finally gets its moment in the sun.
These are the thoughts you’ve had but maybe never said out loud – and yes, they’re totally valid.
1. If you say ‘hubby’ one more time, I’m calling the cops.
Seriously. What are we doing? Are we in a scrapbooking Facebook group from 2011? Just say husband. Or partner. Or literally anything that doesn’t sound like your relationship was sponsored by Etsy.
The word “hubby” hits the ear like a squeaky balloon and makes otherwise intelligent adults sound like they’ve regressed to kindergarten.
And it’s always used in the most unnecessary scenarios, like “Hubby made breakfast today!” Okay, cool. So did half the population. No need for a cutesy rebrand.
2. Why are you clapping when the plane lands? It didn’t do a cartwheel!
Look, I’m glad we didn’t explode midair, too. But do we really need to applaud the pilot for… doing their job? Unless the plane landed upside-down on purpose, save the standing ovation.
It’s not a miracle. It’s physics and a paycheck. And the clappers are never subtle. They slap their hands together like we just survived a high-stakes heist, not a routine flight from Cleveland to Tampa.
3. Stop narrating your life. No one asked.
“And now I’m putting the kettle on. Now I’m gonna check my email.” Are you a person or a voiceover for a low-budget documentary? Please stop. My brain is already full.
You’re not quirky. You’re not relatable. You’re just live-commentating your own existence like you’re being followed by a film crew that never asked to be there. Narration is for Morgan Freeman, not you microwaving oatmeal.
4. I will never forgive you for FaceTiming me unannounced.
It’s 2025. A surprise FaceTime is the modern jump scare. Text first. Always. Honestly, some of y’all belong in jail.
There is a social contract here, and you’re breaking it with reckless abandon. We are not emotionally or aesthetically prepared to be seen from below with no warning. Call it what it is: a digital ambush.
5. If your voice goes up at the end of every sentence, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
Unless you’re asking a question, please stop sounding like a confused reality TV contestant every time you speak. This is not the reunion episode of Love Is Blind.
The constant vocal lift makes everything sound uncertain, even when you’re making a statement. It’s like your words are afraid to land. Just say what you mean – with a period. Not a verbal question mark.
6. You’re not a dog. Stop panting after a workout.
I get it. You ran on the treadmill for six minutes. Congrats. But the heavy, dramatic breathing is giving “Look at me I just exercised!!” vibes. It’s not motivating. It’s unsettling.
There’s a difference between catching your breath and making the entire gym think you’re filming an audition tape for Survivor. Quietly towel off and carry on. We all saw the burpees. No need for a soundscape.
7. Group texts that never die should be illegal.
You leave your phone for two hours and come back to 97 messages, none of which are relevant, helpful, or even coherent. One rogue meme, five reaction emojis, and somehow your battery is dead. Just say what you need to say – or don’t.
Worse? The dreaded spiral when people start replying to replies and now you’re mentally in six conversations at once. Just make it an email. Or better yet – don’t.
8. If you use baby talk with your partner in public, I need therapy.
“I wuv you sooo muchie-wuchie, babeee!”
Ma’am. There are children present. And worse: adults.
No one should have to hear someone else refer to their significant other as “snuggle-wuggle muffin” while ordering at Starbucks. Keep your couple quirks at home where they belong – preferably locked in a soundproof chamber.
9. People who say ‘literally’ about things that aren’t literal should be fined.
“I literally died.”
Did you? Did you really? Are we talking to a ghost now? Because I need to know if I should grab sage or just walk away.
This isn’t a cute exaggeration anymore. It’s a full-blown grammar emergency. If you literally died every time you said you did, you’d be haunting a Spirit Halloween.
10. I’m judging your ringtone. Hard.
If your phone still rings like a Nokia from 2004, I assume you also forward chain emails and think “LOL” is cutting-edge humor. Update your vibe.
This is not a vintage aesthetic. It’s an auditory jump scare. Your ringtone says a lot about you—and what it says right now is, “I still unironically wear cargo shorts.”
11. You don’t need to say ‘TGIF’ every Friday!
We get it. It’s Friday. You hate your job. We all do. You’re not pioneering new emotional territory here.
It’s the verbal equivalent of beige. “TGIF” is office small talk wrapped in a sad little bow. Unless you’re bringing cake to the break room, we don’t need the reminder.
12. If you don’t say thank you when I hold the door, I will curse your bloodline.
Basic human decency costs nothing. And yet here we are, holding doors for people who act like they were raised in the wild. I really hate this! It’s defo my pet hate!
A nod. A grunt. A flicker of acknowledgment. That’s all we ask. When you breeze through like you’re royalty and I’m your unpaid butler? Consider us enemies.
13. I’m sorry, but ‘yasss queen’ in 2025 is a crime.
Retired. Over. Canceled by the culture that created it. Let’s let “on fleek,” “slay,” and “bae” rest peacefully in the cringe graveyard where they belong.
Everything has a season—and this season is over. It’s not empowerment anymore. It’s linguistic necromancy. Let the TikTok teens invent new slang. Ours had its time.
14. Don’t tell me you ‘did a thing.’ Just say what you did.
Posting “sooo, I did a thing” with a photo of your new haircut is not a mystery thriller. You got bangs. We can see them. Just say that. Gotta be one of the most annoying phrases that need to disappear.
This trend peaked on Instagram in 2017 and should’ve stayed there. It’s vague. It’s fake-humble. It’s performative coyness masquerading as personality.
15. People who loudly tell everyone they’re an ‘empath’ give me the ick.
If you have to announce it, I promise you’re not absorbing other people’s emotions—you’re absorbing attention. There’s a difference.
True empathy doesn’t require a megaphone. It doesn’t need a carousel post. It definitely doesn’t require interrupting someone else’s trauma to say, “OMG I totally feel this.”
Real Talk:
Petty? Maybe. Honest? Extremely. Relatable? Absolutely.
Having petty thoughts doesn’t make you unkind. It makes you observant, overwhelmed, and – let’s be real- probably a little emotionally fried.
In a world this loud, you’re allowed a few internal screams. You’re allowed to judge someone’s ringtone. You’re allowed to feel personally attacked by “baby talk.”
You’re not bitter. You’re just out here trying to survive… and silently correct people’s grammar.
Now You:
What’s your most deeply petty but completely justified opinion?
The thing that instantly gives you rage for no logical reason?
Drop it in the comments and let’s create a judgment-free judgment zone. Side-eyes welcome. Safe space activated.