They don’t mean to. But oh, we see it.
Let’s be clear:
We’re not talking about cartoon villains here.
This isn’t “steals candy from babies” level selfish.
This is the everyday, lowkey, “I-didn’t-even-realize” kind of selfish.
The accidental selfishness that leaks out in casual texts, group chats, dinner plans, and oh yeah—relationships.
It’s sneaky. It’s subtle. And most people who do it swear they’re actually “really generous.”
Spoiler: they’re not. And if you spot yourself in any of these, don’t panic. Just… fix it before someone sends you this article anonymously.
1. They Talk. A Lot. About Themselves.
It starts innocently. You’re catching up. You say, “Work has been really stressful.” They respond with, “Ugh, SAME. Let me tell you what my boss did…”
Ten minutes later, you realize: they never asked why you were stressed.
This isn’t just bad conversation. It’s a pattern.
These people aren’t evil—they just live in a world where they are the default setting. Every story, every joke, every problem somehow redirects back to them.
And they’re not doing it maliciously. It’s reflex.
They assume your story is just the opening act to theirs.
But if you consistently walk away from conversations feeling unheard, chances are… they weren’t listening.
Fix: Learn to pause. Say, “That sucks—do you want to talk more about it?” It takes 5 seconds to show you’re not the main character all the time.
2. They Cancel Plans Like It’s a Sport
It always starts with enthusiasm: “Yes! I’d love to catch up!”
You lock it in. You mentally prep. You maybe even turn down another invite.
And then… two hours before? “Hey! Can we reschedule? I’m just feeling kinda off today.”
Again.
Here’s the thing: canceling once or twice is human. Chronic flakiness is self-centered.
Because it tells the other person: My comfort is more important than your time, your preparation, or your effort.
Even worse? They never offer to reschedule. Because they didn’t really want to meet up—they wanted to feel like a good person for saying yes.
Fix: Only say yes to plans you actually want to keep. And if you have to cancel, reschedule yourself—don’t leave it on them.
3. They Expect Support, But Rarely Give It Back
You’ve been their emotional Google Drive. Always open. Always available.
But when you hit a rough patch and finally say, “I’ve been struggling lately”—they vanish like a Netflix show you forgot to finish.
They don’t ask questions.
They don’t check in.
And if they do respond, it’s a quick “Oof, that sucks. Anyway—” followed by a monologue about their cousin’s wedding drama.
These aren’t bad people. But they’ve internalized the idea that their problems are urgent, and yours are… background noise.
Fix: If you expect emotional availability from others, give it too. Being there only when you’re falling apart isn’t a relationship—it’s emotional freeloading.
4. They Play the Victim in Every Scenario
Ever meet someone who’s always under attack?
Their ex was crazy. Their boss is out to get them. Their roommate is passive-aggressive. Their dog even seems judgmental.
They deflect blame like it’s dodgeball.
Every mistake is someone else’s fault, every critique is “unfair,” and every boundary you try to set becomes an attack on their character.
It’s exhausting—because you can’t ever just solve the problem. You have to manage their feelings about the problem first.
Fix: Learn to say, “I hear you. But can we talk about your part in this?” Most people aren’t ready to hear that… but the ones who are? Those are your keepers.
5. They Only Show Up When It’s Convenient
These people seem amazing—at first. They’re fun, high-energy, always down for a drink or a birthday post on Instagram.
But as soon as life gets un-glamorous? They’re MIA.
You get sick.
You go through a breakup.
You need help moving, or venting, or just sitting in silence.
Suddenly they’ve got “a lot going on” or they’re “just not in the right headspace.” But when they need something, your availability is assumed.
Fix: Ask yourself: “Am I only present for the fun parts?” If the answer’s yes—step up, or step out. Real connection is forged in the boring and the messy, not just the highlight reel.
6. They Take Credit. Even When They Shouldn’t.
These folks know how to spin it.
You co-plan an event, but they retell the story like they carried the whole thing.
You vent an idea in a group chat, and suddenly they’re presenting it as their own.
And the worst part? It’s rarely blatant.
It’s a soft ego flex: “I’m just glad I could help!”
Help? Babe, you watched it happen.
The need to be seen as successful, helpful, brilliant, or thoughtful overrides their sense of fairness. And if you call them out, they’ll say, “Wait, I didn’t mean it that way…”
Fix: Check yourself when you’re telling stories. If someone helped? Say so. If it wasn’t your win? Celebrate them, not you. It’s that simple.
7. They Think Boundaries Are Optional (When They’re Not Theirs)
These are the people who keep texting after you say “I’m not up for talking right now.”
The ones who laugh off your “No thanks, I don’t want to drink tonight,” or steamroll you into doing things you clearly said you didn’t want to do.
They don’t see it as boundary-breaking. They see it as “being fun” or “not that serious.”
But what they’re actually saying is: Your discomfort is less important than my desire to be right/funny/in control.
And when you set a firm line? Suddenly you’re “overreacting.”
Fix: Accept that everyone has different limits—and you don’t get to decide which ones are valid. If someone says no, your job isn’t to debate. It’s to respect it.
Real Talk: We’re All Selfish Sometimes
Nobody’s perfect.
We’ve all talked too much about ourselves.
We’ve all canceled plans when we probably shouldn’t have.
We’ve all had a “me, me, me” moment.
But here’s the difference between someone who’s accidentally selfish… and someone who’s just a jerk:
The former fixes it. The latter doubles down.
Who Do You Know Like This?
Drop your anonymous confessions. Or tell us about that one friend who makes every group hang feel like their personal TED Talk.
What’s the most subtle selfish behavior that drives you wild?
Let’s name it, shame it, and talk about it.