Ah, the talking stage.
That magical, murky, infuriating phase where you’re not quite strangers, not quite dating, but fully emotionally invested anyway.
It starts with:
“Hey.”
It ends with:
“Sorry, I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.”
(usually after 6 weeks, 472 texts, and at least one “deep” conversation about childhood trauma)
At this point, the talking stage isn’t a phase of dating. It’s a lifestyle. And frankly? It’s time to retire it like low-rise jeans and ringtone downloads.
Let’s break down why it’s ruining modern romance — and how to finally get real about what you want without scaring people off.
Why the Talking Stage Exists (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Newsflash:
The talking stage was invented by people who fear:
- Rejection
- Vulnerability
- Effort
- And calendars
Back in the day, people went on a few dates, then decided whether they liked each other. Simple. Direct. Adult.
Now?
We text for weeks, swap memes, trauma bond at 2AM, and act like it’s totally normal not to define what’s happening until one of you either:
- Moves in.
- Gets ghosted.
Why?
Because:
- Dating apps made humans disposable.
- Fear of commitment became a quirky personality trait.
- We convinced ourselves “taking it slow” = “healthy boundaries” instead of just emotional procrastination.
It’s not you. It’s the culture.
The Real Reason the Talking Stage Feels Like a Full-Time Job
Let’s be honest.
The talking stage isn’t just exhausting because it’s confusing.
Modern dating is exhausting because you’re doing relationship-level emotional labor without the relationship.
You:
- Keep the conversation alive.
- Plan the first (and sometimes second) date.
- Manage their weird texting patterns.
- Decode mixed signals like you’re auditioning for the FBI.
And what do they contribute?
“Lol.”
“I’m just bad at texting.”
“You free… sometime?”
Congratulations. You’re not dating.
You’re managing a freelance emotional contractor with no commitment clause.
Why People Stay Stuck (Even When They Hate It)
If everyone agrees the talking stage sucks… why does it keep happening?
Here’s why:
- Avoidance feels easier than clarity.
If you don’t define it, you can’t be rejected, right? - Fantasy > reality.
The “potential” of what could happen feels more exciting than asking for what’s actually happening. - Power dynamics.
Whoever “cares less” has the upper hand. (Spoiler: This is why both of you are miserable.) - Effort is cringe now.
Admitting you like someone and want clarity? That’s basically taboo in modern dating culture.
So instead, everyone tiptoes around their real feelings until the whole thing collapses under the weight of unspoken expectations.
Stop Romanticizing Ambiguity
We’ve been lied to.
Pop culture taught us that “taking it slow” means mature, thoughtful, healthy romance.
But in reality?
It’s often just a smokescreen for people who don’t want to do the emotional work of honest communication.
Real talk:
If they wanted clarity, they’d give it.
If they wanted consistency, they’d provide it.
If they wanted commitment, they’d pursue it.
Anything less is not “slow and steady.”
It’s stalling.
How to Get Real About What You Want (Without Looking Desperate)
Alright, let’s get to the part that actually helps you escape this cycle.
You want clarity.
You want effort.
You want to stop auditioning for the role of “potential partner” like it’s American Idol.
Here’s how to make it happen:
1. Set a Time Limit for the Talking Stage
“If we’re still just texting after ___ weeks, it’s a no.”
Decide your limit. 2 weeks? 4 weeks?
Your time is not unlimited.
If they’re not making plans or moving things forward by your deadline, assume they’re either:
- Emotionally unavailable
- Dating 12 other people
- Or just in it for the ego boost
2. Communicate Your Standards Early
Notice I said standards — not “ultimatums.”
Example:
“I like to move from chatting to meeting up fairly quickly. I’m looking for real connection, not endless texting.”
The right person will say:
“Same. Let’s plan something.”
The wrong person will say:
“Oh… I’m not sure what I’m looking for right now.”
Cool. Now you know. Next.
3. Match Effort, Not Vibes
Vibes are seductive.
Effort is what matters.
If they:
- Reply promptly? You reply promptly.
- Ask thoughtful questions? You do too.
- Plan dates? You match their energy.
If they don’t?
You mirror that too.
Not to play games — but to avoid over-investing in someone who’s clearly not ready for mutual effort.
4. Stop Filling the Silence
If the conversation dies, let it.
Stop chasing. Stop prompting. Stop reviving things that should be left alone.
The right person won’t need resuscitation.
The connection will either flow naturally or it won’t.
Simple.
5. Don’t Fear “Scaring Them Off”
“But what if asking for clarity pushes them away?”
Good.
If clarity scares them, they were going to leave anyway — you just saved yourself weeks (or months) of emotional labor.
Clarity doesn’t scare the right people.
It attracts them.
What If You’ve Already Been in the Talking Stage Too Long?
First of all, no shame.
You’re not “stupid.”
You’re hopeful — and the dating culture profits off people like you staying confused.
Here’s how to course-correct:
1. Ask directly:
“Hey, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. I’d like to move this forward — are you on the same page?”
2. Prepare for honesty:
If they hedge, avoid, or change the subject?
They’ve answered you.
3. Walk away with grace (and a little sarcasm if needed):
“No worries — I’m looking for clarity, not conversations that expire.”
The Upside: You’re Filtering Faster Than 90% of Singles
The talking stage sucks.
But when you refuse to play the game?
You start saving time, energy, and emotional bandwidth.
You’re not “high maintenance.”
You’re maintenance at a level anyone seeking a healthy relationship should be able to handle.
The faster you filter out low-effort connections, the faster you find the people who actually want what you want.
Final Thought: Clarity Is Not Cringe. It’s a Superpower.
If they can’t handle clarity, consistency, or communication…
You’ve already outgrown them.
The “talking stage” is just a waiting room for the emotionally unavailable.
You’re not desperate for love.
You’re desperate to stop wasting time.
And that? That’s not a flaw.
That’s your smartest dating strategy yet.
So, what’s the longest you’ve stayed in a ‘talking stage’ before realizing you were basically just a free therapist?
👇 Bonus points for wild excuses you heard along the way.
Before You Go…
If this article just saved you from three potential future situationships, check out these next: