Once upon a time, dating was simple.
You met someone.
You flirted awkwardly.
You went out.
Sometimes sparks flew. Sometimes they didn’t.
But at least you knew what was going on.
Fast forward to 2025, where “talking” can mean anything from “We’re exclusive” to “We occasionally exchange memes at 2 AM.”
It’s not dating anymore.
It’s customer service with feelings. And spoiler: the customer (you) is never right.
Step 1: The Ticket Is Opened (a.k.a. “Hey”)
It always starts with that lazy, low-effort “Hey.”
No punctuation.
No context.
No creativity.
You reply because you’re optimistic. (Some might say delusional.)
They answer back three hours later with a “Not much, you?”
Boom. You’ve now entered the Romantic Help Desk Queue.
Your estimated wait time?
Unclear. Could be minutes. Could be days. Could be the next presidential election.
Step 2: Congratulations — You’re Breadcrumbing Yourself
Let’s talk breadcrumbing.
(For those who didn’t major in Modern Dating Dysfunction 101.)
Breadcrumbing = giving someone just enough attention to keep them hanging around but never enough to move things forward.
Example:
- Them: “Can’t hang out this week, super busy.
- Also them: Likes every single one of your Instagram stories like their thumb is possessed.
You might think you’re making progress.
Reality check: You’re refreshing a tracking number for a package that’s already in shipping purgatory.
“Your order is delayed. Your self-respect is backordered indefinitely.”
Step 3: Auto-Responder Romance Kicks In
Ah, the “Good morning” text. Once the holy grail of early romance.
Now? It feels as genuine as those automated voicemails telling you your car’s extended warranty is about to expire.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
Translation: I’m texting five other people and you’re #4 today.
“Hope you slept well.”
Translation: I’m sending this so you won’t yell at me about not making weekend plans.
If you feel like you’re dating a chatbot, you probably are.
Step 4: Ghosted — Please Hold, Forever
One day, they vanish.
No explanation.
No warning.
Just poof.
Like calling customer support and hearing:
“Due to unusually high call volume, we are unable to process your request. Goodbye.”
You tell yourself they’re just busy.
Maybe they lost their phone.
Maybe they’re hiking Everest.
Maybe their cat stepped on the block button.
Spoiler: They just don’t want to tell you they’ve moved on.
(A true hallmark of 21st-century bravery.)
Step 5: You Become Your Own Tech Support
Suddenly, you’re Sherlock Holmes analyzing every text like a cryptic clue.
- They used a period. They must be serious.
- They sent three laughing emojis. They’re obviously into me.
- They stopped replying. Must’ve been kidnapped.
If you need FBI-level decoding to figure out someone’s feelings… they don’t have any.
Real talk.
Why Did We Let Dating Turn Into This Dumpster Fire?
Here’s the thing: Effort has become cringe.
We’ve trained ourselves to expect:
- Instant gratification.
- Zero vulnerability.
- Low effort with high rewards.
Why plan a date when you can swipe endlessly?
Why communicate when you can just ghost and blame “anxiety” later?
Why invest when there are always more options?
In short, we’ve turned relationships into a subscription service.
If they entertain us, we renew.
If they bore us, we cancel.
No refunds. No accountability.
Bonus Round: Red Flags That Feel Like Customer Service Policies
Let’s be honest. If relationships had terms and conditions, they’d read like this:
🚩 “Response times may vary.”
🚩 “All plans subject to cancellation without notice.”
🚩 “Emotional availability not guaranteed.”
🚩 “By texting, you agree to inconsistent communication.”
Sound familiar?
Yeah. We’ve all hit “Accept.”
Modern Romance Is Fast Food Dating
It’s quick.
It’s easy.
It’s designed for immediate satisfaction with zero long-term nutrition.
Old-school dating: Thoughtful gestures. Real conversations. Effort.
Modern dating: “wyd?”
It’s like trading a homemade meal for cold drive-thru fries.
Convenient, sure. But nobody feels good afterward.
The Psychology of Why We Tolerate This Nonsense
Let’s get deep for a second (don’t worry, we’ll keep it funny).
Why do people accept texting purgatory?
- Hope. Maybe they’ll change. (They won’t.)
- FOMO. What if this is as good as it gets? (It’s not.)
- Avoidance. It’s easier to stay confused than risk rejection. (But your dignity misses you.)
Also: Blame Hollywood.
We grew up on fairytales that promised “The One” would be obvious. Spoiler: they’re not.
Instead, we got situationships, soft launches, and people who think “Let’s see where this goes” counts as commitment.
When Did Talking Become a Relationship?
Here’s the cold, hard truth: Texting is not dating.
- You’re not exclusive because you text every day.
- You’re not building a relationship because you share memes.
- You’re not progressing because you added each other’s Bitmojis.
If your entire romantic connection can be screenshotted, it’s not real.
The Verdict: Stop Waiting On Hold
If your love life feels like:
- Troubleshooting a Wi-Fi router,
- Waiting for a callback from tech support,
- Or standing in the “10 items or less” lane behind someone with 37 items…
It’s not love. It’s a customer service issue.
Hang up.
Log out.
Unsubscribe.
Or at least switch service providers.
(T-Mobile might be bad, but they’re better than this.)
Your Turn: Let’s Hear Your Horror Stories
Have YOU been stuck in the Romantic Help Desk Queue?
Drop your worst “Are we dating or just texting?” saga in the comments. The more outrageous, the better.
Extra points if the person texted:
“Sorry, been busy.”
(We’ll send you the Customer Service Survivor Badge — emotionally speaking.)
More savage takes on love, psychology, and modern dysfunction
Look, if you’ve made it this far, either you enjoy emotional chaos or you just like watching the world burn — either way, we’ve got more unapologetically savage relationship reads waiting for you.