Let’s cut the act: you’re gross. We’re all gross. You can shower daily, own seventeen kinds of deodorant, and still do at least five of the horrifying things on this list.
These aren’t your average “I bite my nails” habits. We’re talking about the weird, sticky, sniffy, flaky stuff we pretend nobody notices—but it screams who you are as a person.
This list is part confession, part call-out, and fully designed to make your skin crawl. Because for every one of us out here judging public nose-pickers, there’s a version of us doing something worse in total secrecy.
1. If You Pick Your Nose (And What You Do After)
Everyone picks. The real tell? What you do with it after the dig. You a tissue type? Respectable. You a flicker? Concerning. You a wiper (on furniture, under car seats, etc.)? Get help. You’re not quirky. You’re an unsanitary menace.
And if you’re inspecting your booger like it’s a rare gem before disposal, congratulations—you just failed the hygiene test and the vibe check. It’s giving toddler energy with adult consequences.
2. How You Handle Pimple Popping (You’re Either a Monster or a Surgeon)
If you treat popping a zit like you’re landing the Mars Rover—precision angles, good lighting, celebratory fist pump afterward—you’re part of an unspoken club of self-inflicted dermatologists.
The problem? Some of y’all go full serial killer energy and then make others watch. If your friends know what your back acne looks like in HD, you owe them financial compensation and therapy vouchers.
3. If You Sniff Your Clothes to Decide If They’re Clean
The sacred chair of half-clean, half-dirty clothes is real. But if you’re out here deep-sniffing a hoodie armpit to see if it’s wearable, you’re living on a slippery slope toward “this smells fine-ish” as a lifestyle.
And if the answer is no but you still wear it after a Febreze baptism? Just know we can smell you through the timeline, and the timeline is judging.
4. Your Relationship with Earwax (A Love Story)
You say it’s about hygiene, but we see the glee in your eyes when you get a good glob. You’re not just cleaning your ears—you’re treasure hunting. And when you score big? Instant dopamine hit.
Then there’s the folks out here using car keys, bobby pins, or paper clips to dig. You’re not cleaning. You’re performing a DIY lobotomy. Please… stop before your eardrum files for a restraining order.
5. How You Deal With Toenails (Especially When They Go Rogue)
If your clipping method involves aiming your big toe at the TV and letting the shrapnel fly, we have questions. Like: who raised you? And do they still talk to you?
And if you’re a picker, slowly unraveling your toenails like you’re peeling a Fruit by the Foot? You’re not quirky. You’re concerning. Also, stop doing that in bed. Yes, we know.
6. If You Smell Your Armpits to “Check”
We all do the quick sniff. But there’s a difference between “checking” and inhaling like a wine connoisseur. If you’re analyzing your own funk like it’s got tasting notes of regret and taco Tuesday, it’s time to reevaluate.
And for the love of Dove, don’t make someone else confirm the scent status. That’s a level of trust and trauma no friendship should endure.
7. Your “Creative” Use of Fingernails
You’re either using your nails like a Swiss army knife, or you’re lying. Phone gunk? Nail. Dry scalp? Nail. Cleaning under your keys? Nail. There’s a reason you look down sometimes and go, “What the hell is that?” and we all know it.
What happens after? You casually wipe it on your jeans and move on like you didn’t just touch the crust of the underworld. Disgusting. And relatable.
8. Whether You Pull Hair Out of the Shower Drain… Barehanded
You either own a drain snake or you are the drain snake. Pulling out a slimy hair clump the size of a guinea pig and pretending you’re not dry heaving inside? That’s bravery. That’s survival. That’s… gross.
Some of you play with it. Swirl it around. Admire the horror. That’s not hygiene, that’s performance art, and not the good kind.
9. If You Pick at Your Scalp (And Eat It…?)
Yes, people do this. Yes, we hate that we have to talk about it. If you scratch your scalp for funsies and then eat the flakes, you are disqualified from society until further notice.
Also: if you’re doing this during work Zoom calls with your camera on, the rest of us can see you. You are not okay, and neither are we after watching that.
10. How You Handle Public Nose Itches
Public nose itches are a social test. Do you risk looking unhinged by digging in? Or do you try to Jedi-mind-trick the itch away with aggressive blinking and awkward nose-scrunching?
And if you sneeze halfway through the itch? Congrats—you’ve just launched a snot bomb and signed an NDA with your own shame. Nobody’s forgetting what they just saw.
11. How Often You Wash Your Bedsheets (Be Honest)
Weekly washers, you can stay. If it’s been a month and your logic is “I don’t sweat,” please explain the popcorn crumbs, dog fur, and last Tuesday’s wine stain living rent-free in your bed.
You’re not sleeping. You’re slow-roasting yourself in a bacterial lasagna. Change. Your. Sheets.
12. Where You Keep Your Phone While Pooping (a.k.a. Germ Roulette)
Let’s not pretend: your phone’s been to war. Specifically, the toilet battlefield. If you say you don’t take your phone into the bathroom, congrats—you just lied to the internet. Unless you’re in there memorizing shampoo ingredients like it’s 2003, we know exactly what you’re doing: scrolling while squatting.
The real filth lies in the placement. Are you a thigh-balancer? A toilet paper roll percher? Or the most reckless of all—someone who plops their phone on the bathroom floor (the floor) like it’s immune to fecal fallout?
No judgment, but also… all the judgment. That screen you’re texting on later? Yeah, it’s basically a petri dish now. Hope those likes were worth it!
Wrap-Up: You’re Not Alone (But Maybe You Should Be)
Let’s face it—you do at least half of these. Probably more. And so do we. We’re all just weird little gremlins trying to act civilized while secretly scratching, sniffing, and inspecting things that should never be inspected.
So now it’s your turn: which one are you guilty of? Which one made you gag? Which one are you ready to throw your friends under the bus for? Drop it in the comments and let the chaos begin. Just maybe wash your hands first.