There are lots of annoying things people do on planes. We tolerate the seat recliners, we survive the bare-footers, we even accept the chatty guy who thinks 6A is his stand-up stage. But there’s one behavior that deserves its own no-fly list:
Standing up the literal second the plane lands.
Let’s talk about it!
The Wheels Touch Down and So Does Logic
Picture this: the plane hits the tarmac, and before you can even unbuckle your emotional baggage, that guy in 23B is already standing, hunched under the overhead bin like he’s about to storm the beaches of Normandy.
He’s clutching his backpack like a mission-critical briefcase, legs twitching, eyes darting, ready to lunge.
Meanwhile, you’re thinking, “Sir. We are on row 23. The door is still closed. The pilot hasn’t even turned off the seatbelt sign. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?”
It’s Not Just Annoying. It’s Chaos.
This isn’t about efficiency. It’s about vibes. When one person shoots up like a meerkat on espresso, it creates a ripple effect of antsy chaos.
Suddenly five other people feel like they need to stand. Now we’re all upright, bent like question marks, with nowhere to go and a full-blown elbow war breaking out in the aisle.
And if you’re in a window seat? You’re trapped in a flesh cage of cargo shorts and impatience.
Spoiler: You’re Not Getting Off Any Faster
Let’s bust the myth right now: standing early does not make the plane unload faster. You will not shave minutes off your deplaning time. You will not beat the laws of physics, airline protocol, or the 22 rows of people in front of you.
All you’re doing is ensuring you get extra leg cramps and everyone behind you gets to stare directly at your butt for ten minutes. Congratulations on your legacy.
The Psychology of the Aisle Stampede
Why do people do this?
- Control freaks: They can’t stand the uncertainty of not moving, so they stand to feel like they’re doing something.
- Claustrophobes: Understandable. But maybe just… stay seated until there’s space?
- Trend followers: One person stands, now it’s a social contagion.
- Delusional optimists: They genuinely think they can squeeze past 40 people and get to the exit first. (They can’t.)
Bottom line: it’s less about getting off the plane, and more about not being able to sit with stillness. And that’s a you problem.
Meanwhile, in Row 6…
People up front are trying to grab their bags and exit, but they now have to dodge a wall of premature standers blocking the aisle like they’re storming a club on Black Friday.
We’re all trying to leave in an orderly, courteous fashion, and here comes aisle guy with his rolling duffel and zero chill.
Bonus rage if he starts talking on the phone while standing.
If You’re in a Middle Seat, Sit This One Out
This isn’t your moment. Unless the people beside you have already stood up or vacated, you trying to shoot out like a toast slice from a rogue toaster just adds tension and knee bruises.
We see you. We judge you. Sit down.
Airplane Etiquette Is a Team Sport
There’s a rhythm to deplaning. A code. An unspoken agreement:
- Front rows go first
- Aisle people get up first, then middle, then window
- Let people grab their bags without getting tailgated
- Don’t try to sprint from Row 28 to the door unless you have a connection and God has personally granted you clearance
When you stand up early for no reason, you’re breaking the social contract. It’s not quirky. It’s not efficient. It’s just… obnoxious.
Okay, But What If You Really Need to Stand?
Maybe you’ve got back pain. Maybe you’re a tall human living in a compact world. Maybe you just need to stretch. Fine. There’s a difference between standing respectfully in your space and body-blocking the aisle like a linebacker.
Pro tip: If your standing up involves someone else needing to move, duck, or get whacked by your backpack – reconsider.
Want to Be Less Annoying? Try This Instead:
- Breathe. The plane will empty. You’re not going to be buried here.
- Use the time to check your seat for forgotten items. AirPods love to escape.
- Mentally prepare for baggage claim. That’s where the real chaos lives.
- Practice patience. Think of it as a mini life lesson: things unfold in order. Your turn will come.
Standing early isn’t a flex. It’s a red flag. Don’t be that guy.
One Last Thought:
There’s something beautiful about 200 strangers stuck in a metal tube, all agreeing to follow the same choreography. Boarding, buckling, exiting in rows. When it works, it’s almost poetic.
But every time someone breaks formation just to stand up early, it fractures the spell. Don’t be the crack in the system. Be the smooth glide of humanity. Or at the very least, just sit the hell down until it’s your turn.
Seriously.