Look, nostalgia is powerful. We all love a good throwback — slap bracelets, Blockbuster, the sweet sweet sound of a dial-up modem screaming into the void. But let’s be real: not everything from the ‘80s and ‘90s deserves a comeback.
Some trends should stay exactly where they belong — in grainy family photo albums and yearbook pages we refuse to open.
Here’s a friendly roast of the most what-were-we-thinking fashion disasters that need to stay in the vault forever. (And yes, we all wore some of these atrocities proudly.)
1. Hypercolor Shirts
Remember Hypercolor? Those magical shirts that changed color when you touched them or got hot? Cute idea — until puberty hit and suddenly you were walking around with a giant pit stain map across your chest.
One minute you’re a normal kid; the next, your armpits are purple, your back is green, and strangers are actively wondering if you’re okay. Amazing science. Terrible life choice.
2. JNCO Jeans (A.K.A. Personal Tents)
If you weren’t tripping over your own jeans in 1998, were you even alive? JNCOs were denim chaos: pants so wide you could smuggle an entire emo band in each leg.
You weren’t walking in JNCOs — you were wading through life. Honestly, these jeans didn’t need pockets because you could just store your backpack inside the pants themselves. Never again.
3. Tiny, Useless Vests Over Everything
Nothing says “high fashion” like layering a completely non-functional vest over your outfit. Bonus points if it was floral, crochet, or bedazzled within an inch of its life.
What did these vests do? Nothing. Were they warm? No. Protective? No. Did they make your torso look like a confused craft project? Absolutely.
4. Sun-In Disaster Hair
Sun-In promised you effortless beachy blonde locks straight from a bottle. What it usually delivered was fried, orange, brittle hair that could double as kindling.
Raise your hand if you sprayed an entire can on your bangs in July and spent the rest of the summer looking like you lost a fight with a Cheeto.
5. Platform Sneakers That Wanted You Dead
Thanks to Spice Girls brainwashing, we all believed platform sneakers were essential. Never mind the fact that one wrong step meant rolling your ankle into oblivion.
You weren’t so much “walking” in those things as “gambling with your skeletal structure.” Cute? Maybe. Worth the ER co-pay? Not even a little.
6. Bowl Cuts
Some of you are still in therapy over this one. The infamous bowl cut: the haircut that said, “My parents don’t love me, but they do own a salad bowl.”
There’s something especially cruel about a hairstyle that manages to insult your forehead, jawline, and social prospects all at once. RIP to the middle school photos. We hardly knew ye.
7. Overly Aggressive Scrunchies
Scrunchies are fine now in a casual “I’m lounging around” way. But back then? They were aggressively neon, the size of small rodents, and stacked three-deep on every wrist.
If you didn’t have a purple scrunchie practically strangling your side ponytail, were you even trying to survive 1991?
8. Denim Everything
Listen, denim jackets? Sure. Denim jeans? Absolutely. But the moment you start pairing denim shirts, denim pants, denim hats, denim chokers — you’re not fashionable. You’re auditioning for a Canadian tuxedo convention.
There’s bold, and then there’s “I lost a fight at Levi’s HQ” energy. And we were all guilty.
9. Tattoo Chokers
Nothing screams misguided rebellion like an itchy, plastic choker necklace that somehow managed to cut off your oxygen supply and your dignity at the same time.
They made you feel edgy, sure — but looking back? We were all just tiny humans willingly paying $4.99 to be slowly garroted at Claire’s.
10. Windbreakers Loud Enough to Startle Wildlife
Windbreakers in the ‘80s and ‘90s weren’t just jackets. They were events. Color-blocked disasters that could be heard before they could be seen.
You couldn’t sneak anywhere wearing one. Every step sounded like a grocery bag trying to file for divorce. Add in the blinding neon colors and you were basically walking OSHA violations.
Let’s Not Do That Again, Okay?
Nostalgia is great… until it tries to bring back trauma in the form of hair bleach, unwalkable shoes, and 40 pounds of denim.
Sure, we can laugh about it now — and we should — but let’s keep these fashion crimes safely buried where they belong: in cringey memories, not in our shopping carts.
And for those that really wanna see more fashion trends from the 1980’s check out this cool video…
So, which trend do you secretly miss? Which one made you immediately scream internally?
Drop your worst ‘80s/‘90s style confession in the comments — and remember: no judgment… unless you willingly bring JNCOs back. Then we riot.